I never really had a dream. Not the kind people usually talk about.
I just had interests. Phases. Bursts of excitement that would flare up and then vanish a few months later. There were things I was good at and things I cared about. I thought maybe they’d turn into something if I stuck with them long enough.
But I never had “the thing.”
Some people seem to know early. They talk about it like it was always there. “I always knew I wanted to be a teacher.” Or “I’ve been working toward this since I was twelve.”
When I heard that growing up, something quiet settled in my chest. It wasn’t exactly jealousy. More like confusion. Or a little guilt. Like there had been a sign-up sheet I somehow missed.
The strange part is that things worked out anyway.
I’ve landed in roles I ended up loving. I’ve learned how to do things well. From the outside, my life probably looks like a series of deliberate choices.
But if I’m being honest, a lot of it just happened.
One thing led to another. I said yes when something felt right. I stayed when it seemed worth staying. I mostly figured things out while I was already doing them.
Sometimes I still wonder if I missed something. Not ability. Something else. Like everyone else got a map and I just kept walking until the road turned into something.
I came across that word once, ikigai. People translate it as a reason for being, but the explanation that stuck with me was simpler. It wasn’t about a calling. It was just the overlap of small things. What you enjoy. What you’re good at. What’s useful.
Sometimes those things are quiet. Listening well. Making people laugh.
I don’t know if that’s what I’ve been doing. I know I don’t have a grand ambition waiting for me at the end of the road. No single goal tying the room together.
But I do keep moving forward.
And maybe that’s enough. Maybe I’ll never have a dream the way some people describe it.
Maybe I don’t need one.
Ghosts of the Navigator 